The Ultimate Reality Show

email last week - "omg heath ledger is dead!"

Exclaimed down the hall at my job "aaaack! Britney's out!"

Used to be - first thing in the morning in offices, people would debate whether or not Rachel and Ross would ever hook up. Or will Dylan and Kelly reunite? Who shot JR? Can you believe what Seinfeld got away with? I believe one mark of a show's success - to network executives - was the amount of time it was discussed and debated at the office between episodes. The Watercooler Effect?

So here it is. This is the latest in the evolution of mass entertainment. First the radio. Then tv. Then the internet. Reality tv. Tv on the internet. Tv FOR the internet. Reality tv for the internet.

Disguised as journalism.

I just spent today flipping from perezhilton, x17, and tmz. The time I used to spend lying on my couch mindlessly watching whatever bad sitcoms the networks had to offer that night. Now replaced by a strong engagement in the material being offered on my computer.

But this is entertainment offered at someone's expense.

Not some 20something looking for his 15min of fame and some cash from surviving a month of endurance tests.

Someone just trying to live her life. A very challenging life. With little to no support. A 20somthing struggling to survive several years of endurance tests. Being chased by camera crews. Every second of her struggle photographed, taped, documented both journalistically and legally.

For our entertainment.

Britney shopped around a reality show 4 years ago. She got 2. One was mocked and cancelled immediately.

The other goes on and on and on and she doesn't get paid a dime for it. In fact she pays. Her parents pay. We the taxpayers pay – for all the police and fleets of ambulances and court hearings and special hospital arrangements.

As the networks scramble to get our money via their advertisers, we instead gladly pour it all to the authorities in exchange for a real life soap opera a supercharged, ultimate gladiator survival celebrity reality show.

So I continue to refresh my browser hoping there's more updates on where Britney is. Did her dad get hold of her? Is he still successfully keeping Sam, the evil guy, away? What about her lover? Is he legit? Is he what we think he is? Or something more sinister? Perhaps he's in an evil plan with Sam the evil guy? Where's her mother? Was she drugged too by the evil guy? The ex. He's turning out to not be what we thought he was! Or is he? Is he, in fact, a good guy misunderstood? Or is he, too, plotting some underhanded selfish agenda? 2 young baby boys lost in the mayhem and drama. A pregnant 16yr old sister! The leading lady – a fragile, kind, bubbly girl who caught fame in childhood. And sex symboldom….in childhood. Talented – yet not talented in the ways that she could earn respect and awards vs. scorn and mockery. Sexy, sweet. Truly grateful to her fans. Lonely, isolated, vulnerable – a new Marilyn Monroe for our generation! And the money! Ooooooo tons of money! Beverly Hills! Mexico! NYC! Malibu! Flesh! Sex! Mental illness! Million dollar Beverly hills estates in gated communities! Malibu beach homes! Padded rooms. Mass car chases all over Hollywood and Beverly Hills and across Mulhulland Drive! A daily rotation of high-end cars, fashion, drugs! Secret meetings in Hollywood legend hotels! Who are the good guys and who are the bad guys? Music industry! Pop stars! Rehab! Blackmail.

I could be describing Dallas or Knots Landing or Dynasty….oooo I'm dating myself aren't I? I've never seen the latest round of night-time soap operas as I stopped bothering to watch tv years ago. Then again reality Tv effectively cancelled our need for night-time soaps no?

Until we got Britney. Poor Britney. The American Tragedy of Britney Spears. And all for our nighttime viewing entertainment.

Did dad get into her home? Will he be living with her now? Did he really install gps tracking systems in all her $200,000 cars? Did she escape again under a black blanket in the back seat of a paparazzi car so her father can't catch her? How long and how far will she run from her family? How many cars can squeeze from a 4 lane street into 1 lane to keep up their pursuit? Did evil Sam break into her home (which a respected news source published is "never locked")? Did he steal compromising video and photos of our tragic heroine? Was he really crushing pills into her food? Cutting off her phone lines? Disabling her cars? Or are these accusations nothing more than a plotting mother with a selfish agenda?

I'm so ashamed of my contribution to her hell yet that doesn't stop me from refreshing my browser just one. More. Time. Before bed.

What will make us stop? When does the commercial break come for Britney? What price does she have to pay to get us to stop?

I'll be online as soon as I wake up tomorrow morning eager for the latest-

Will you?

Prudence

This song always brings sunshine to my heart....ever since I was a kid and WXRT would play it as their final song of their 24-hour Beatles Marathon. Since their days ran 6am-6am, Prudence began just before the sun came up. As the birds began to chirp in the massive trees outside my bedroom window in my mom's home.

I got really really depressed last Monday about Misha. Then got smacked by the flu. Then tonight, still sick and still kinda beat down, I totally broke down in tears regretting all the time missed with Misha. That year with that abusive roommate watching Misha sick every day as a result and not knowing how to escape.

I saw a photo of Kelly Osbourne carring her dog and the caption mentioned it's name is Prudence.

This song immediately popped in my head. My tears evaporated. My heart sang. It still sings.......

Dear prudence, won't you come out to play
Dear prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful and so are you
Dear prudence won't you come out and play

Dear prudence open up your eyes
Dear prudence see the sunny skies
The wind is low the birds will sing
That you are part of everything
Dear prudence won't you open up your eyes?

Look around round
Look around round round
Look around

Dear prudence let me see you smile
Dear prudence like a little child
The clouds will be a daisy chain
So let me see you smile again
Dear prudence won't you let me see you smile?

gone baby gone to a premiere!

Dammit, if you're going to invite me to a movie premiere, could you let me know??!?!?

So I stayed home today being sad about my cat and decided I would skip tonight's SAG Nom Comm screening of Ben Affleck's "Gone Baby Gone". I thought it was at 7pm which meant I'd have to be there about 6pm which meant I'd have to leave about 5pm and at 5pm I was in no mood for cleaning up, driving, or movies.

But at 6:30 Matt calls me to say he finished his shoot early and could join me tonight and the screening wasn't until 8pm.

ok, I'm in flannel pjs, a wool rollneck sweater, no makeup, slippers. I'm thinking "hmmm Ben Affleck is doing a q&a after.....aww shoot, if anyone appreciates flannel pjs and wool rollneck sweaters it's Ben so.....eh......c'mon Kara get yourself cleaned up for Matt at least"

so I change into jeans and a fluffy hoodie and Uggs. and slap some makeup on during stop lights....just enough so I won't scare young children.

we're walking from the parking lot, turn the corner at Gayly and find spotlights, cops, CBS, E!, velvet ropes, red carpet. GOOD GRAVY

the woman at the table gives us our ASSIGNED SEATS and we run in (free popcorn and sodies! thanks Ben!) to find Ben giving a speech to a packed, well-dressed, house.

Our seats are 2nd row, center.

yes, about 3 feet directly in front of Ben, in front of all the celebrities and Disney execs and other SAG Nom Comm members.

wheeeeeee

And here's my review:
BEN SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO DROP THE LAME ACTING CAREER AND STICK WITH WRITING AND DIRECTING.

He won his Oscar for writing. THAT's what put him on the map by golly.

why?

HE'S GREAT AT IT!

This is one of the best-written scripts I can recall watching. I've been addicted to movies since kindergarten so it's near impossible to surprise me-- I always see the plot twist a mile away. But I didn't see a couple things here..... Just amazing characters. You can tell he LOVES Boston and the real people who make it so lovable. Pure love is poured into the writing, the direction, the camera.

Casey Affleck is such a wonderful actor....it's kinda sad, tho, to see him morph into his older brother's leading man good looks tho. But he's so good! He used to be the alternative, artsy, indie younger Affleck. Now he's Ben but younger. And a good actor.

This shouldn't win any big film awards. But the screenplay should at least be nominated for something. And I recommend seeing this. Really fine film.
Gone Baby Gone

I really hope Ben sticks with writing and directing. He's really amazing with it. And here's another thing I learned tonight, he's a very down to earth, grateful, nice guy. JLo should be so sad she let her agent agree to stop the fake relationship they arranged for the press......

reality in the ashes

after 2 weeks of working very hard to deny reality I sit here with a bag of black fur and a wood box of ashes....

...and when I clear the tears from my eyes I see my world as it now

without my beautiful little friend, moy kraceevee, OCHEN kraceevee maleenkee drookie....

I sit here holding what's left of his body and desperately wish the rest was still here with me playing and jumping and running and sleeping...




but it's empty



dos vee donya moy maleenkee Misha. Bolshoi cpaceeba. Ya t'lubitsch.

seeing. here. now.

When Misha left, I spent a lot of time trying to find the answer. Trying to heal the pain. Trying to quelch the guilt.

I come from a family of thinkers and feelers. Intellectual sorts who spend more time thinking than being.
My childhood memories of my sister do not consist of playing or learning with her. They consist of watching her think.
Meditating and thinking.
Yoga and thinking.
smoking and thinking.

My memories of my Dad include maybe 3 hugs, some rages, but mostly thinking.

Just staring and thinking.

With cute little me right there available to share time and enjoy life.

But I did not exist in their world.

I catch myself doing it now. Doing it since I was a child. I think. I think of all the mistakes. I obsess over the what-ifs.
Hours and hours, sometimes days pass and I can't tell you what anyone else was doing. All I can share is what was in my head.
I've driven long distances with no memory of how I got home, but I can tell you what I thought about.

So these grief sites for pet owners all describe pets as our personal "angels". That when they pass, they stay with us,
guiding us
protecting us

Spirit guides

The technician who took such great care of Misha in his final days told me pets are here to teach us and guide us.
Help us in life, then when they feel we're ok on our own, they're so worn out from helping us, they leave.

As I spend hours, days crying and thinking and obsessing about all the time I missed with Misha, I realized something.

I have no idea what's happening NOW.

when he was alive, I had all this time, SEVENTEEN YEARS, to be with him, play with him, love him.

Instead I laid on the couch, sat in my chair, laid in bed, stood in the corner and thought
and thought
and obsessed

about everything I didn't have. or had and didn't want.

cried about being so lonely

and every minute of every day I had a dear sweet friend who loved me sitting in the same room with me

and I never saw him

and now I wish he was here. So I sit, and stand, and cry, and obsess about everything I regret for him and how much I miss him

and I have dear Fred sitting on the bed and I don't see him.

so now I must see him. Live now. Stop thinking. Start looking. At the beauty I have right in front of me.

Thank you Misha- you gave me the greatest gift anyone can give-

bolshoi cpaceeba moy maleenkee kraceevee drookee, ya t-lubitsch

I've got 16 layers of chanel makeup on...

for allison........

Being poor in LA is a major drag. Didn't I just read something somewhere about how there is no middle-class in LA but somehow it works for the city? Either you're a millionaire or you're starving while working 60 hours a week. I, unfortunately, am on the high-end of the latter.

But there's always Bloomingdales

they have all these groovy parties and send special invites to you if you have an account with them.

Today was a benefit party. I'm done with my job by 3:30pm, so I walked over to the store to enjoy their late-afternoon events.

I got a free manicure while sipping champagne delivered to me on a silver tray and munching on gourmet treats (also delivered to me). Then I got a back/neck massage, then a hand massage (we did the back/neck first to let the manicure set, natch). Plus a stack of 20% off coupons for a killer spa. Plus the contact info of the woman who runs the same spa in Chicago so I can treat my mother when I'm home. Then a champagne cocktail was delivered to me - The Chanel. I had chatted briefly with the Kama Sutra woman before the manicure, so during my hand massage, she came over to me and told me to come back for a free gift (that's my boyfriend's favorite part of this story). Then I nibbled some more.

Did I mention the fat-free ice-cream sandwich when I stopped by during my lunch break?

Back to the evening cause that was more delecadent.......

Then I got a cappucino to kill the buzz from The Chanel

But there was a woman with me who told me the blue martinis were yummy

so I asked the drink guy if I could taste a little taste of the blue martini.

He was making more champagne cocktails for some woman, so rather than make a sampler of the martini, he surprised me by pushing a glass to me and saying "this is YOUR drink.....that Blonde Parisian you mentioned earlier?"

yum

ok, so I walk to the makeup department and get a facial. Then Blu at Jo Malone teaches me how to layer my fragrances. He gives me a wee bottle of the nectarine fragrance thinking I'm a fruity-flowery girl. But during his tutorial he's shocked to hear me say "wow I LOVE that one!" when he handed me a paper sliver sprayed with Pomegranate Noir. Blu's delighted to hear me say it smells like Christmas becuase one of his co-workers started wearing the scent and has been upset that Blu chides him for smelling like holiday potpourri. So he gives me a wee sample bottle of the Pomegranate Noir. Did I mention I successfully smelled the middle note of clove? If I were to go into frangrance layering as a new career, do I need to change my name to a colour and speak in a British accent?

Post manicure, massage, sex-toy, cappucino, champagne, facial - I opt for a makeover to prep me for my weekly meeting with Alison and Jana and, later my shift here at the station.

Chanel seems fitting for my upcoming Beverly Hills dinner--

There is, of course, 3 layers of special hydrating gels, primers, etc. which must be liberally applied before any makeup action begins.

My GOD who wears this much foundation?!?!? Oh wait, I see. The woman doing my face and the other artist across the way. The blush turns out very red on my cheeks. The solution, it seems, is to put more foundation on to cover it up. The second blush is too pink. More foundation natch. Ah! a winner! A peachy colour, then the winter-limited-edition-soon-to-be-sold-out-so-I-better-buy-it-tonight frosty pink dusted on top.

I learned as much as I love the colour Vamp, the lipstick is frighteningly pink on my lips. Second hue she tries is a scary peach. Shit! I was supposed to be at Alison's 10 minutes ago! I give up and put a light gloss on. yay me!

My skin can't breathe, but I look amazing. And I'm walking out the store with more than $1000 worth of crap brushed, smudged, layered, lined on my face.

I raced from Century City to Beverly Hills to meet the ladies for some guilty pleasures.

They exclaim "wow! yuuuuuuuuuuuuu look beauuuuutiful!"

"thanks, I've got 16 layers of Chanel makeup on"

as I excuse myself to come here, Alison, in all seriousness orders me to write something titled "I've got 16 layers of Chanel makeup on" during my radio shift.

Raul is shocked at how beautiful I look. He's used to seeing me show up in pjs and ponytails and cheap, worn-out makeup.

He's thanking me on air for my assistance and telling his listeners how gorgeous I look all smothered in Chanel.

My income for this job is $0.

If I scraped this off and put it in a bottle, I could pay my rent + car insurance with it-

Across the Universe

Just got back from a screening of Across the Universe, a new musical film directed by the otherwise incredibly talent Julie Taymor.

Now let me start this with -- I'm a HUGE Beatles fan. HUGE. Raised on them. My ear glued to our stereo speakers so I could hear the slightest nuance in every guitar string and every breath of every song. So I cringe each time I learn somone has done a cover of their song or, worse yet, a movie based on all their music. In order for me not to be repulsed, the cover MUST be brilliant. and most of the time it is not.

The film started out reeeeeeaally great- Jim Sturgess staring at us while sitting alone on a beach singing one of my faves, Girl. The song is already built with creepy nuance and his delivery added more dark shadow in it's focused simplicity.

I was really excited!

then it came.

the rest.

now keep in mind I've recently decided I'm not a big fan of Broadway musicals. Not any more. In addition to my sisters Beatles and Simon/Garfunkel LPs, I grew up on my mom's West End and Broadway soundtracks and, well, listen to the original West End production of Cabaret vs. this year's Tony Award winner and you'll hear the difference. Today's Broadway shows seem geared to the white-washed, upper-middle class middle American who can't stomach more than Wonder Bread.

So if you like Wonder Bread, you'll most likely enjoy this film.

I do not like Wonder Bread. Never did. Always a sprouted whole grain or pumpernickel girl...

And both John and Paul had such dark sides to them, it would seem to be relatively easy to make this a dark, surreal trippy trip through their songs, NYC, and Liverpool. What made the Beatles brilliant and immortal was their fearless risk. Ms. Taymor’s greatest betrayal was her inability to take risk in this film.

Instead we got Wonder Bread in Iowa.

Some good points were:
Opening scene
Joe Cocker - but only when he's homeless
Bono's 10 minutes (his improved moments were brilliant) - and the magic bus
Eddie Izzard improvising
I dug Helter Skelter, Matt did not
Daniel Ezralow's choreography --- I was DYING to work with him when I was a dancer, alas I never got the chance
casting 2 actors who looked just like Paul and Linda circa 1970 (when camera was far) -- I was looking for a Jane Asher or Yoko Ono reference, but I guess that was too much for a mainstream stomach

Most obvious is Julie Taymor's inability to work with actors in dialogue. She's pretty ok with the song and dance numbers. But once everyone stops singing and dancing, she fumbles and fouls.

What made the evening worse was the q&a that followed. I normally dont' stay if I hate the film but....c'mon! Julie Taymor!!! I was going to blow off the chance to hear Julie Taymor talk about her work?! However, she MODERATED the q&a so what followed was 1/2 hour? 45 min? of masterbation by her and her young cast.

Here's a review that best summ's up my experience with this film-
Something that would have been a bad idea for an Off-Broadway concept show has inexplicably been turned into a bloated two hour and eleven minute movie musical. - Pete Hammond, Maxim
Full Review by Pete Hammond

Best moment:
"They ALL really liked it!" - Julie Taymor referring to "The Beatles" response after seeing the film
"ALL? All TWO of them??" - Matt's disgusted response