Panic sets in

Yesterday was a brilliant morning writing, dog walking, answering phones for kcrw, working with Chris and Tom on their shows, Gemma getting me started helping her research for her Global Gig Guide, Eric chatting Music Library with me.....all before 10am!

Came home, collapsed, met Jana for lunch- WALKED to meet her. Had a Kirin with my sushi-

Got back home- more writing, phone interview for yet another writing gig. Collapsed again.

Carved up my farmers' market bought organic, free-range, locally raised chicken for my dog's weekend meals, poured myself a nice glass of organic kosher Israeli cabernet...

On the couch drinking my wine watching Persepolis -- too tired to get pretty and on the bus to Friday Night Live...

I suddenly panicked. I still didn't regret my decision to quit- best decision I've made in years....truly outrageous and heavenly-inspired... But where will the money come? When? How am I paying for food for the dog, kitties, myself? ugh...depression sets in.....

First thing this morning I find today's horoscope waiting for me:

Today is the dawn of a new era for you. You can feel yourself shedding the last remnants of old baggage or beliefs that held you back and are eager to tackle the new challenges that await.

Me at my former job

"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away."
— Raymond Hull

Kennedy's Miracle and Today's Horoscope

"You and your friends are working together to do something cool and you feel absolutely great about the collaboration In fact, you may decide to formalize the arrangement to do more of the same in the future."

From my earliest memories, I recall wanting to save the world. Or the unprotected. The young children. The animals.

But I'm also an artist- born into a family of musicians, dancers, painters, storytellers.....it's deeply in my blood I can't deny it. It's what powers all the cells to thrust through my arteries, veins, organs...it drives me from before sunrise until long after sunset.

So the plan, since I was ohhh about 5 years old, was to become insanely wealthy as a world-famous artist. What kind flopped from actor - figure skater - rock star - poet - novelist - journalist - photographer - painter - dancer - actor.

I accomplished all the career aspirations (ok rock star only happened as far as Victor Isaac and Dean Cameron / Jessie Marion's living rooms...) but not the crazy fame and wealth.

Because the end-goal was to use my fame and money to save the children, the animals, the peace, this has been quite defeating!

So I do what I can to help but it's never anywhere near what I want. And I sit in office's witnessing heated debates on Hannah Montana's hair or font size of footnotes on market research reports. And I wonder how these people can keep a straight face making these so important when there are children starving or being beaten only miles away from us.

I just quit my job- completely insane decision on the surface, yet my gut said "do it- it's the right move"

And I immediately face 3 women who make the world move. Adriane, 6-figure corporate VP who quit to be a dog trainer, who rehabbed my shar-pei from sickly killer dog to show-dog quality couch potato. Helen, the guerilla-tactic animal rescuer, who rescued my shar-pei despite everyone around her saying the dog should be euthanized as a lost-cause. And Parke- the brilliant woman who quit her 6 figure publishing job in Manhattan to spend 2 years developing and fundraising for an animal shelter in South Carolina.

Kennedy is the center of this universe. Helen rescued Kennedy. Adriane rehabbed her. Parke stopped me during our early morning walk to chat about dogs and rescue groups.

And here I sit writing about them. And writing about the animals. And writing about the miracles. And I feel overwhelmed by the force that comes from nowhere....somewhere....everywhere. The force that has brought us together from unimaginable sources. I am not a dog person. The rescue group didn't trust a then-unknown volunteer, Adriane. The rescue group didn't believe in the killer shar pei, making Helen desperate for someone who would take her in and rehab her. Parke just moved here from the east coast and knows nobody. And yet here we are a network of amazing women who host different skills while holding the end-result in unison.

I'm so excited for the future. And learning what's coming around the corner. It will be big. Huge. And beautiful.

A day late

Today's horoscope - a day late

You may be something of a loose cannon today, so do your best to keep your wildest tendencies under control, even if just barely.

G*d bless George

Yesterday I did the most childish irresponsible act. At the same time, it was the most responsible act I've done in a long time.

I quit my job. No notice. Not even for me. There was a project that got forgotten because he didn't bother to copy me on the discussion. So I asked (after 2 years of asking and our boss agreeing with me) that he copy me on emails with project members so we BOTH know what's going on with reports. He replied with a 2 page email rant to me. Then stormed into my office and threw a stack of papers at me.

I felt beaten up as usual. Then I giggled at the absurdity. Then I asked myself why I continued to feel it could be improved. Our boss, as usual, blamed the r.a. she hates vs. seeing my co-worker's mistake. He treats me and others like crap, ridicules dept members behind their backs to entertain other dept members. And he's rewarded for it.

So I wrote my reason for leaving and calmly walked out the door.

Ok my legs shook so badly on the way down the stairs I could barely walk.

I had a meeting across the street for what was supposed to be a part-time Sunday job. I changed my clothes but had my office belongings in a large grocery bag. How could I walk into an interview with a monster financial institution carrying a grocery bag of food, nic nacks, papers?

Bewildered, depressed, defeated, shocked I stumbled to the mall concierge who advertised "check your bags while you shop!" She looked at my bag with disgust and said "only packages purchased HERE"

In my painful akward high heel shoes and fancy dress, I stumbled to Bloomingdales and asked the salesman, George, if the store's customer service checked bags. He smiled and said "just put it here in my cabinet!"

I gratefully placed it inside but it toppled over-- oatmeal and mouthwash tumbling out. Embarrassed I sighed "I just quit my job -- I wasn't planning to -- this is my office here....my office in a bag"

George's eyes lit up and he extended his hand out to help me stand up. "you just quit your job? right now? as in moments ago??"

I sighed in regret "yes, just moments ago...I'm still shaking"

He shook my hand and exclaimed "Congratulations!!! You are VERY brave!!!"

I laughed "eh, well, brave or stupid-- I'm not sure which right now"

Nodding in reassurance he offered "no, it's very brave. Great things will happen for you. This is the way"

Thank you George for boosting my non-existent confidence right before the interview that was suddenly so important. I nailed it. Now I'll make twice what I used to make and without the selfish co-worker and the blind manager.

Listen to Your Gut

From the Kaballah Centre in Los Angeles - a good one for right now especially....

Have you ever had a gut feeling that if you went to this one particular party, even though you were tired and grumpy, something good was going to happen to you? Or have you ever just known that if you walked down a certain street, something bad would happen?

This is your intuition guiding you. And your intuition is provided by the Light.

According to Kabbalah, there is a curtain separating the physical world (1% realm) from the spiritual world (99% realm.) This curtain is all that keeps us from total fulfillment.

Intuition is one means of pulling aside the curtain.

Familiarize yourself today with that feeling in your gut, with first thoughts that pop into your mind. Trust your initial instinct. With each step you take towards listening to your intuition, you will draw that curtain open further.

4th and Montana at 6am

10 squad cars
5 detective cars
1 fire engine

6am

4th street just south of Montana

being the dutiful nosy neighbour I insisted on walking Kennedy slowly past the hullabaloo on our way back from the beach

*shrug*

Anyone know what happened so early in the morning in the "safe" part of town?