Before I moved out to LA from Chicago, I’d heard nothing good about dating in LA. Hollywood. Land of movies stars and shallow bars. Spinning hubcaps and lips that look like they’re filled with lumpy jelly. So when my mid-west boyfriend and I broke up I knew I was in for, as Betty Davis said, a bumpy –and I don’t mean collagen injections- ride. In the past 4 years, I’ve dated a LOT, but every guy, after two or three seemingly great dates, calls and apologizes to me letting me know his heart is pining for another woman. My most recent experience was the son of a Forbes “100 Most Powerful” CEO. In ten days, we had three great dates with him gushing about how he’d treat me to a long, luxurious evening out when he got back from the family trip…to Paris. Upon his return, he sent an email explaining how he’d met a woman during his May trip to Paris and, over his 2-week December trip, had changed his mind about her deciding he was in love and wanted a commitment. I lost an amazing guy to France. Yep, France. Bitter bitter I was… Even more since learning he married her 9 months later in a lavish ceremony in the south of, yep, France.
Sometimes she’s an ex he thought he was over, sometimes she’s someone he met and decided not to date, but his time with me magically brought to light his true love and devotion to her. Let’s see the pattern, shall we?
The 36 year-old Toy Collector: He nearly cried to me on our first date about how his wife broke his heart when she walked out on him on his birthday the year before. They reunited a month later. Actually, that reunion didn’t bum me out because his home was literally filled with toys – the stove, the fridge, the ENTIRE 2 bedroom home littered with toys arranged to recreate famous scenes from films. uh-huh. And now he’s someone’s dad….raising our future. mmmm Well at least he’s not violent.
The MFA Shakespearean Actor: We were in a show together. Comedy of Errors- an appropriate description of my dating life in LA actually. For three weeks he clung to me during rehearsals and chased me to my car serenading me with his guitar. So I finally agreed to go out with him---he’d broken me down with his relentlessness. Three weeks later as I had decided he was possibly a good catch, he bolted. He and I are now friends so I now know I was the third woman he’d tried to date after he’d caught his fiancé cheating on him. Oh the drama.
The Magician! Hmmm yes, he was quite charismatic. And, well, magical. After two fun dates and two weeks of daily calls from him making all sorts of future plans for us, he emailed me letting me know he thought he was over his ex but, well, dating me stirred emotions he didn’t know he still had for her. Poof! Disappeared into thin air!
The Web Cutie: Chased me for three months then, when I finally decided to go out with him, he recoiled. He told me he’d dumped another woman 3 months before because she was too old, but now he’s decided he’s in love with her. Apparently his HTML codes were a bit mixed up.
Thinking this was merely artists’ flaky commitment phobia, I decided to launch out to the grown up world and dated Mr. France mentioned above. Well, you know how THAT ended. The chemistry, the poetry, the music, the Mercedes, the home in Bel-Air, the family private jet all for France. Oh la tristesse…
Then came Little Warren the Quaker: After five, yes! Five! Woohoo! dates- he said, or shall I say, broke down in tears and said he had SO much fun with me and was convinced we’d have a great relationship for 10 months but no more than that so we should stop dating now. The following 3 months, he dated others, but continued calling me and flirting with me and acting quite fond of me. So I would giggle to myself thinking – “a-HA I will FINALLY realize the glory of being that woman for whom the man dumps others to return with a grande l’amour!” But it hasn’t happened. In fact, he’s quite enamored with his latest pursuit.
So I ask with great frustration and aggravation-
“When do *I* get to be France?!”
