Grace

'Grace': PETA's Thanksgiving ad

Just throw it in the garbage

When I returned to Chicago from California, I also returned to volunteering at PAWS. There was a young labrador who'd just had puppies and needed some "me time" away from her demanding brood. I took her for a long quiet walk and fell in love.

She's recently been adopted by the police department. However, while the department decides who her human partner will be, she continues to live at PAWS.

Since she's no longer available for adoption - and still very much in need of extra exercise because she's a young labrador - a foster home is needed for her. In the meantime, several volunteers are stepping up to take her out for long runs, playtime on the rooftop dog park, and then there's me-- taking her out on marathon walks about town while I do errands by foot.

Today we discovered OZ park together! I can't run her, but I enjoyed the thought of repeated climbs up/down this large hill in the park. So we marched up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then...

oops! an outdoor stage with marble seating built into the hill. and what's this? 2 wooden sticks. One maybe a mop handle. Another a broken-off leg from a table. Tucked together in a crevice between the earth/grass and the seats. An empty Grey Goose bottle next to them.

I have a brief chat with my heroine future-police-dog walking buddy, Wonder Woman. Debating if I'm overreacting by feeling alarm at this discovery.

There have been nightly beatings in this area. Some in this park! The sight of broken off wood sticks tucked together with alcohol in a park making headlines daily makes my Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew mystery/logic/puzzle book-trained brain work overtime.

Wonder Woman agrees we should call the non-emergency police, so I do.

"umm hello I'm out for a long walk with a dog, just returned to Chicago after a long time out of town, not sure where I am... little bit east of Halsted and Armitage in a large park on a hill behind a....school? By an outdoor stage... haha - I promise I've got a point here...."

"uh huh"

"ummm so I noticed 2 sticks. Well one is long, wooden...not sure what it is... The other looks like it was a leg to a table, but now broken off. They're laying together tucked by the seating area of this stage. Next to an empty vodka bottle. And I wondered...mmm...wondered if this was something that might interest the police..."

"mmm hmmm. Well I tell you what. If we saw something like that in a park you know what we would do? we would pick them up and THROW THEM IN THE GARBAGE"

"eh (chuckle)- ummm- well normally I would just throw them in the garbage but, well you know, with the daily reports of beatings in this area in the middle of the night...well...I just thought... you know I thought they could be weapons"

"(chuckle) well of COURSE they're weapons. Which is why you need to toss them in the garbage"

"ummm but don't you want to...ummm the beatings here...ummm I just thought...well (nervous chuckle) ok, I'll just throw them in the garbage. Sorry I took up your time sir. Thank you!"

I had fantasized a grateful voice on the other end eagerly grilling me for info on my exact location. Wonder Woman and I waiting for the squad car to arrive. Pointing out our discovery and happily sharing the news that "my" dog was actually their dog getting some exercise from a loving volunteer happy to help her city police. The officers grateful for my call, my quick thinking, and for giving so much love to a random dog who will soon be working for them full-time.

"Wonder Woman! You've cracked your first case before your first day on the job! You haven't even finishing your training yet!"

The reality was a chuckling, condescending officer explaining how I should react to litter. My canine friend helping me find a newspaper to grab our discovery without leaving MY fingerprints. Us searching for a garbage receptacle large enough to fully accept the long sticks and hide them from potential ne're do wells.

After finishing our job we walked back towards the shelter. Me stopping for a lemon Italian ice. Her stopping for some water and biscuits.

And when I got home the top story on the local news was another attack in the neighborhood. And how the police have no leads on who the culprits are. And how Guardian Angels came out from NYC to hand out information in Lincoln Park on how to keep safe and spot suspicious clues.

A man gives an interview describing the attack he survived early this (Tuesday) morning. He mentions the villains hit him with tools that looked "sort of like long wooden bully sticks".

2 blocks from Wonder Woman's discovery.

Chicago Native Helps Homeless Dogs, Victims Of The Recession

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The Huffington Post   |  Stephanie Harnett 
First Posted: 07-20-09 12:23 PM   |   Updated: 07-20-09 01:20 PM

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Read More: All For Good, Animal Shelter, Boxer, California, Chicago, Community Service, Dog, Dog Walking, Dogs, Foreclosure, Good For All, Kennel,Service, Sharpay, Unemployment, Volunteer, Volunteering, Walking Dogs, Living News

Kara Severson knows that victims of foreclosure come in all breeds. Breeds of dog, that is. Severson volunteers at a no-kill animal shelter in Chicago where she walks all types of canines who, like their owners, have suddenly found themselves without a home.

Severson's own Shar Pei, Kennedy, has stayed by her side through unemployment and a cross-country journey to move back in with her mother. But the dogs she walks haven't been so lucky.

The shelter keeps a wing for dogs that wear the tag, "I'm here temporarily while my family gets their life on track." Severson told us she began volunteering there when she was in the depths of her own financial struggle.

"To combat my self-pity, I signed up to walk dogs...at PAWS, a no-kill shelter in Chicago. I have seen more and more dogs dropped off by teary-eyed owners who can no longer afford their care. The shelter offers temporary housing to help families keep their pets while suffering economic hardship. As I walk these temporarily homeless dogs, my eyes fill with tears for the dog who's suddenly living in a cage and doesn't know what he did to be ejected from the pack, for the mom who's dropping off her child's 6-month-old puppy because they just lost their home."

Severson lost her own home in California, and she remembers thinking, "Oh my god, I'm flat broke." She did everything she could just to feed her dog.

"I'd walk around the stores because I knew they'd give my dog a treat," she admits of perusing the pooch-friendly clothing boutiques in Santa Monica. The nearby pet store was particularly helpful.

"They would hand me a giant bag [of dog food] tied up and they would say, 'Don't react, don't say thank you, just take it. Just take it,'" she said. "That's really how we got by, just by the goodness of other peoples' hearts."

But late last year, even that was no longer enough and Severson was forced to move with her dog and two kittens back to her mother's home in Chicago, where she slept on the couch, often with Kennedy beside her.

That's when she found PAWS and began volunteering to walk dogs. The story of one dog, especially, touched her heart.

"There was this woman that was in the parking lot, she was holding a Boxer puppy and kind of looking at me with a frown on her face, and usually people are smiling at me because they recognize what I'm doing," she said. Later she saw the woman again, without the dog this time, and inside she saw the dog in a kennel:

I took that Boxer for a really long walk one day, and I was crying. She was six months old then and I was thinking she was probably a Christmas present," she said. "I think of all the happiness and joy that comes with having a puppy and I just cry. And for myself I have tears of gratitude for the loving mother who took me and my dog when I could no longer pay rent... 

I was in this position, so I feel like maybe I have a bigger obligation.

-----

As a counterpoint to the (justifiably) gloomy tone of much reporting about the economic crisis, HuffPost is highlighting stories of service, local heroes, and acts of kindness (random and otherwise). If you read or hear about uplifting stories or good deeds in your community (or do a good deed yourself), please let us know by emailing allforgood@huffingtonpost.com.

That wacky business with Huffington Post

When I first returned to Chicago from LA, I got an email from Huffington Post asking for readers' volunteer stories. So I wrote a little ditty that wrote itself. I was rather proud of it, I gotta say.

which really says something as I'm rarely proud of what I write, this blog in partics.

But that little missive just magically bookended with recession, doggies, getting charity, and giving charity.

So I can't say I was THAT surprised when I got a personal email from the blog asking if they could polish my story and publish it.

woo!

I guess it was published today. I think this because I got an email from the shelter I described, then a fan letter on Facebook! I have ONE fan people! this is brilliant!

So I google and I find the article. And it's not my little ditty (did I mention it was lovely?), it's a new story bits and pieces of my work thrown in for good measure. And it wasn't about how amazing PAWS is. It made me sound like a saint. eek. that I am not.

So I'm a wee embarrassed. But it's kinda cool I Google myself and a whole page of links pop up with this story.  So because other sites reposted the article, I've decided to indulge and repost it here.

cheers-

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/20/chicago-native-helps-home_n_241289.html

Energy In Energy Out

I finally won my 8-month fight with CA unemployment.  Kinda.  They still owe me about $2,000.  But at least I have the first $10,000 so that's a start.

A little late but...well better late than never.

Tho never was, eh, never an acceptable conclusion for me!

After 8 months of starving, freezing, negotiating, begging, pleading, and fighting...

now what?

First I paid everyone off - feels amazing to send money to creditors vs. letters apologizing and explaining.  The lack of finance charges will be awfully nice too!

Then I treated myself and a friend to beer and nibblies before a free show at Millenium park.

Today?  I'm suddenly suffering from that awful post-war void of having nothing to fight.  Nobody to fight.  I have no fight dammit!

So, I stopped at the new Whole Foods in the new Lincoln Park.  Got myself a cup of organic coffee + a raw bar before parking my butt on some green furniture to check my email and newly full bank account.  I was supposed to volunteer at PAWS this morning, but the wifi at Whole Foods is awful.  Just good enough so I could begin emails & transactions, but continuously shutting down in the middle of my work.

aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh!  I'm now tightly wound. Bitter.  Angry.  Aggravated.  Ashamed.  Embarrassed.  Furious.  Swearing and (softly) yelling at the lousy internet service and wishing I'd just gone to Dunkin Donuts for my coffee as I wanted to and just skipped email and banking until this afternoon.

so now it's nearly noon and too late to work at PAWS as I promised Kennedy I would not be gone all day.

So I remember my plan to find a local source for salt lamps. Other than Karyn's Raw.  My assumption is she's overpriced, tho I can't recall being shocked at the tag when I found the lamps in her shop last year.  So I attempt a search despite the bad wifi.

It crashes a couple times, but eventually I find a groovy little shop in Skokie.

Skokie?!  I have to drive to Skokie?

fine.  I've wanted that salt lamp for over a year.  And after a sh*tty 40th birthday plus 8months of a negative balance in my checking account, I deserve that salt lamp dammit.  Besides this shop looks REALLY cool and it has a salt room and says I can sit in that salt room for up to 1 hour if I want to and I could really use some positive vibes rights now to offset all the aggravation I put myself in today and it's not even noon.

So I drive up to Skokie.  My laptop is now at 8% battery life so I turn it off as I get near my destination.  As I memorize the final 2 steps in the directions, I shut down my trusty pal Mac.

But there's no shop.  But I could swear it said Ridgeway!  And to turn left.  And if I turned right, I'd be in the front lawn of the Chicago Transit Authority.

aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh

more anger.  Stupid suburbs.  Stupid Skokie. I hate the suburbs.  Right now, I. Just. Hate.

I try to get the phone number by accessing the internet from my old phone.  But this website is not old phone internet friendly so I can't get the information I need.

More anger.  Stupid website.  Stupid old phone.  Why won't this website have the phone number on it's front page readable from an old phone?!

I call 411 and get the number.  A lovely female voice answers.  I quelch my disgust just long enough to ask her for some guidance to her shop.  She's so sweet and polite and calm and....positive she pulls my head out of my arse just long enough to finish our call.

I get turned around, find a parking spot.  Cursing the whole way.  Storming to the building.  Stupid building.  Stupid small sign so I can't easily find the place in the midst of this industrial neighborhood.

I walk in and the room is filled with salt lamps.  The air is cool and clean like Palisades Park at 6am.  Isabella is helping someone out and smiles "oh! You're the woman on the phone right?!"

I smile and I mean it.  30minutes of listening to her answer my many questions on the varieties of salt lamps and I'm calm.

No more hate.

I choose a rare Persian lavender salt lamp.  As she packages it for me, I sit in the salt room breathing deeply.  Looking at the plant on the top shelf and thinking of Fred and how lovely it would have been to build a salt room for him when he was so sick.  Feeling overwhelmed with peace and happy and calm.

Isabella steps in quietly to ask if I'd like to stay for a while or if I'm eager to go as my lamp is ready if I'm in a hurry.

I'm not in a rush, but again promised Kennedy I'd be home at a reasonable hour, so I decide to get up.

Denise rushes in gushing about how pleased her doctor is with her improvements since her acquisition of her salt lamps.  So she's back for more!  Denise explains to me why her doctor suggested the lamps and how they've positively affected her.  

As she continues to shop, Isabella walks me to the back shipping area and shows me all their products.  I ask about a feng shui remedy I recently read and she responds by grabbing 4 large salt rocks and lovingly placing them in my hands.

I'm already in a buzzy positive bliss and now she's pushed me into heaven.  I can't believe her generosity of both material and spirit.

I told Isabella - and because she was so tickled by my comment I'm repeating it here - Solay is the coolest!

I love Solay.  I love Isabella.  I love Denise.  I love my new salt lamp.  I love my salt rocks.

and I love Kennedy- who just jumped up from her 

bed across the room and ran to me, climbing her 50lb body onto my lap while eagerly licking me and wagging her tail.

Clueless Luxury

Have you ever seen Clueless? or any other movie that depicts very wealthy, spoiled individuals absolutely clueless about reality? as in they honestly feel they're being tortured when daddy makes them drive a Honda to school? Or when they're shocked that someone would not have $500 in his/her wallet at any given moment?

I never thought these were based on real people.

But I guess they were.

Go ahead laugh at me. I suppose I'M the clueless one being shocked each time I'm faced with someone who thinks living paycheck to paycheck means owning 4 houses (2 of them appraised at over $1million), having several tens of thousands in savings, and over $100k in his 401k account.

A couple years ago I was slapped into reality by a woman I consider very kind suddenly blurting out "you wouldn't want someone renting from you who couldn't afford the $60 westside rentals subscription. yuck!" Everyone in the room shuddered in agreement.

*I* am one of those who cannot afford the $60 westside rentals subscription.

Someone very close to me- close enough to know I lived without heat in my home from Sept-December last year. Who knew my only access to food August-December was scrounging up the free stuff at volunteer events or demo tables in stores. He told me he is, by no means, living a life of luxury.

This person owns several homes. Drives a leather-interior, Harmon Kardon stereo, convertible 2008 BMW. He eats most meals at restaurants where it's impossible to dine for less than $25. Every meal is organic. Most are gourmet. He has reverse-osmosis installed in his home. His dogs get walked by a professional weekly. They eat raw food. They are cared for by nationally-respected holistic veterinary doctors. He has a full-time accountant managing his money, investments, spending. Advising him how to spend during the year to reduce his taxes to the point some years he gets refunds greater than most Americans' annual salaries. He has a woman come every month to his home and scrub the place clean so he doesn't have to.

This man- telling me he loves me and considered me for his wife- knowing I starved and froze the last 3 months of our relationship - knowing I've been homeless since December.... this man tells me, in the expectation I will offer compassion, he doesn't live in any kind of luxury.

And again, I'm shocked. Shocked that someone could be so out of touch with reality. To drive a luxury car, eat luxury meals every meal every day, to own several homes, to work less than 40hours a week in exchange for a salary 5 times what my greatest salary was (and I worked 50-75 hours a week!).... and to seek compassion for his hard knocks bare bones lifestyle.

I'm shocked and angry. I'm angry at him and all the people like him. and all the people worse than him. I know, theoretically, there are people worse than him. He's one of the good guys actually. I'm giving him the bum rap here- He really is one of the good guys.

But absolutely clueless.

Don't you want these people to be stripped of their money, assets. supportive families? For a couple years? Not knowing they'll ever have security in their lives again? Don't you want them to experience reality for a bit? I don't mean in a cruel vindictive way... I just mean in an educational way.

Sort of like that rule of thought that every person should be required to work as a waiter or busboy for 2 years so they can appreciate what service-industry people deal with.

Just that.

Just an educational, get a grip on reality type of deal.

Of course, if I were some tortured, raped, starving, oppressed woman in Africa, I'd probably be writing about that stupid, shallow, self-absorbed, self-pitying white woman in Chicago who doesn't appreciate the fact she can walk her dog for an hour at dusk without fear of being attacked and her genitals mutilated.

Then again, I'm aware of that good fortune. That I'm indeed living in luxury. Sleeping on my mother's couch. Ruled by her whims and needs. Survived 3 months of freezing--- me, my dog, my 3-month old kittens all curled up with each other every night trying to use our collective body heat to stay warm. Taking turns not eating for 24 hours to stretch out the free food I gathered and the little funds I had. THAT is still luxury.

There's worse. much worse out there. I'm living in luxury just by the fact I live in the United States. I have never lived in war. I have never lived in the projects where war-like conditions are a daily reality for kids right here. A couple miles from my mom's cushy little cozy home south side of Chicago.

How can anyone living in the United States look someone in the eye and say "it's not like I'm living a life of luxury?"

How can you be worth over a million dollars, working less than 40hours a week, and look your homeless ex-girlfriend in the eyes and say "I love you, always loved you, will always love you...I'm struggling too, no luxury for me...oh, I guess luxury is relative"

It's not relative my friend. If you're not starving, not freezing, not homeless, not in fear of being shot/knifed/raped/bombed... you are living in luxury.

Then again, this is the person who stormed off from a discussion about the world and politics and who's leading our world....stating "ugh, who wants to sit through this?! Get me out of here. Where's that Seth Rogan movie playing?"

Wake up. Look around. Get a clue. There's oodles to find if you get your head out of the movie theatre and into those projects down the street from your million dollar home.

Why hello Brad...

I had a dream last night.

I was in my mother's car. In Chicago Heights. Joe Orr Road. Waiting at a stop light. Dark. Stormy. Wicked stormy. Just-so-close-to-a-tornado stormy.

Two tall men are running in the rain to my car. I can tell they're running with the intent to get in and take over. I'm afraid.

C'mon I'm in Chicago Heights at some god forsaken hour with 2 tall men coming at me, how could I not be terrified?

One of them gets in the driver's side, pushing me over so he can take control. The other gets in the back seat.

The guy in the driver's seat is Brad Pitt.

His friend is George Clooney.

They're both grateful to be out of the storm and George is beaming and laughing and chatting away.

I'm so stunned I don't question why they're here or where Brad is taking us.

I find myself in Brad's home. I guess he has a place in Chicago. Or Indiana (Chicago Heights is very close to the state border). Or maybe he drove us all the way to New Orleans and I didn't notice seeing as Brad f*&king Pitt was driving me with George Clooney in back.

I'm immediately handed a pomegranate martini. Organic natch. People are milling about. Friendly vibe. But VIP as well. It's some sort of secret underground fundraiser. Only the really cool, hip, smart -- yet incredibly kind -- people have been invited. Brad wanted to make sure I got there. His home is amazing. Beautiful. Modern. All sustainable. Everything in there is recycled, organic, environmentally and politically conscious.

It's kinda David Lynchian tho...

Downstairs a presentation has begun. A woman speaks. She's a former drug addict gushing with thanks to Brad, George and their foundation for pulling her out of her self-induced gutter and saving her life from drugs. We're all crying from her story. She buckles over. I see her convulse as one does when vomiting. She stands back up, wiping her mouth, uttering "I'm fine...really I'm fine, dont' worry I'm fine" She's obviously wasted in some meth/heroine wacked out desert.

My body is kidnapped by horror. Shame. Despair. Failure. I quickly turn away and walk as far from the presentation as possible. I can't take it. I can't handle watching the failure.

And yet while walking away crying, shaking, praying I'm also thinking "whoa I hope John Cusack is seeing how deeply touched I am by this woman's plight. He would totally want to meet me impressed with my sensitivity and depth."

I overhear Brad or maybe George on the mike announcing to the crowd how everything is ok because my mother is there to help and she has already rescued the woman. He goes on to agree with everyone on the greatness of my mother-- her saint-like life. Everyone applauds and celebrates the good, selfless, miracle-giving life of my mother the heroine.

I get myself together and return to the main room.

It's clear while I was gone wait staff served organic, locally grown gourmet vegan and raw food. Exotic food too. All indescribably yummy. All untouchably expensive and rare.

But now it's all gone. I get a crumb of some goat cheese off a plate.

People wander finishing off their 2nd drinks. Champagne. very very very insanely expensive and delicious champagne. I want to have a glass, but the staff is cleaning up and the crowd is thinning and I worry if I grab a 2nd glass I'll look desperate for the alcohol and, thus, labelled an alcoholic.

So I just stand there. Alone. Hungry. Sad.

Feeling like the poor, hungry outsider I've always felt like growing up. Standing in the classroom alone watching all the kids laugh and play on the jungle gym. Sitting alone in my apartment watching all the people giggle and stumble with each other down the sidewalk late into the night.

But I shared this dream with my mother and she said it's positive. And I think, "Brad Pitt and George Clooney get into my car and insist on driving me to a VIP party at Brad's home--- you needed a degree in Psych from the University of Chicago to decipher this as a positive story?"

Reply to man screaming obscenities at me at the bus stop

As I sat on the bus stop bench on the corner of Lincoln/Montana waiting for the #3 to take me to LAX to pick up my family...

A man driving a Camero drove past me and angrily screamed:

"Buy a fucking car!!!"



*clearing throat*



I had to sell my American made GM Saturn which sat broken down roughly 6 of the 7 years I owned it thanks to a crummy-designed & built cooling system. I couldn't afford to repair it anymore when I lost my job at a major banking firm.

the hesitant goodbye

so I went back to Chicago in December thanks to long-term unemployment and California keeping my unemployment benefits from me. The time home was supposed to be just for 6 weeks. Just to have someone else pay my rent for that time so I could live rent-free and hopefully resolve my issues with the state of California.

the trip home turned into 3 1/2 months thanks to needing a 2nd appeal with unemployment and the only subletter I could find needing my place through the end of March.

when I came back home (Santa Monica) 1April, my appeal was still up in the air, I was flat broke, and very depressed that my only option was to spend the month packing and saying goodbye to a town in which I've lived, worked, played, loved, lost for 10 years.

less than 1 month to say goodbye after 10 years.

Now I'm a bit of a fighter, so I was optimistic some miracle would happen that would allow me to stay here at least another 6 months.

But as of 10 days ago no miracle occurred. So I helped my mother and sister buy 2 one-way tickets to California with the plan we drive my stuff back to Chicago the final week of April.

I spent the next 36hours on my couch depressed, crying, living on a diet of coffee and hoho's.

then 9 days ago I had a nightmare about the near-future of southern california and that made me feel ok about leaving. In fact, rather excited about getting out before the apocalypse!

So I made my plan to leave at the end of the month. Made a list of things I need to do here before saying goodbye, feasibly, forever.

But 4 days ago I got the answer to my 2nd appeal with California unemployment and- holy crap there's the miracle I prayed for my 1st 2 weeks back in Santa Monica --- The judges reversed all 3 of the accusations against me! And even declared the money taken from me last fall should be returned!! Without sitting down to do the calculations, I can safely estimate I'll receive a check from the state for over $10,000.

This is about 5 months of rent - IF I don't move or re-negotiate my rent with my landlord. And, of course, I'll now receive checks from the state equalling my monthly rent until I can finally find a job.

For the 1st time in over 10 years I finally FINALLY had a prayer answered. But what about the nightmare?

So I get that miracle which allows me to stay here. And my home is FINALLY a home I enjoy. Ok, it could use a new couch. Some bookcases. New carpeting and paint. Some artwork. But overall? My home is a cozy, peaceful escape from the world. I love my home for the 1st time in 10 years. More so than the home I loved in Chicago 10 years ago! I have a full bedroom. An office. A dining table. A full kitchen. Windows windows everywhere! And a beautiful HUGE patio on which I can sit, read, sleep, draw -- night and day. Listening to the birds chirp. Sometimes I can even hear the ocean. Palm trees and fir trees against blue skies. My dog happily naps on her blanket out here with me.

I walk about my neighborhood with Kennedy and I see the For Rent signs. And the empty spaces that used to be private boutiques. and the For Sale signs. The rental ads are full of people begging strangers to take over their mortgage payments before they lose their homes. The streets aren't as full of pedestrians and shoppers anymore.

In Chicago, I could feel a strong life-force pulsing through the streets. Healthy, oxygen-charged blood forcing energy throughout the city.

Santa Monica is quiet. and still. scared.

So I continue with my plan to leave. Family arrives in 5 days for a brief visit before we pack up and drive out in a week. I sit here right now on my patio crying for what I'm leaving. For a life I've dreamed of for over 10 years - finally achieved - now packing up and leaving?

So I'm trying to say goodbye. I'm trying to do the things here I know I will most miss when back in Chicago. But I'm foregoing a lot because I love my home. FINALLY love my home so much I don't want to leave it! I know there is potentially something so much better waiting in the future. Anytime I've been forced to change my life, a much better one was waiting for me. But am I being forced to move now? I got my money. I have that life I fantasized about for 10years. The one I cried for. I've got it!

Kennedy is rolling and stretching in the sunbeams on our patio. I'm enjoying the leaves on my new chocolatemint plant I bought at the farmers' market Wednesday. The chirping birds. The fresh ocean air.

But we have a walk to the ocean waiting for us... one of our final ocean strolls. So I suppose I need to say goodbye

for now...

Happy Birthday Jack!

Only sorry he got caught

Madoff pleads guilty and goes to jail in handcuffs

By LARRY NEUMEISTER and TOM HAYS, Associated Press Writers
1 min ago
NEW YORK – Saying he was "deeply sorry and ashamed," Bernard Madoff pleaded guilty Thursday to pulling off perhaps the biggest swindle in Wall Street history and was immediately led off to jail in handcuffs to the delight of his seething victims.
U.S. District Judge Denny Chin denied bail for Madoff, 70, and ordered him to jail, noting that he had the means to flee and an incentive to do so because of his age.
Madoff spoke softly but firmly to the judge as he pleaded guilty to 11 charges in his first public comments about his crimes since the scandal broke in early December.
"I am actually grateful for this opportunity to publicly comment about my crimes, for which I am deeply sorry and ashamed," he said.
"As the years went by, I realized my risk and this day would inevitably come. I cannot adequately express how sorry I am for my crimes."
Prosecutors say the disgraced financier, who has spent three months under house arrest in his $7 million Manhattan penthouse, could face a maximum term of 150 years in prison at sentencing June 16.
DeWitt Baker, an investor who attended the hearing and said he lost more than a million dollars with Madoff, called it "fantastic" that Madoff's bail was revoked but belittled the apology.
"I don't think he has a sincere bone in his body," said DeWitt, who added that prison time would be too good for Madoff.
"I'd stone him to death," he said.
Madoff did not look at any of the three investors who spoke at the hearing, even when one turned in his direction and tried to address him.
The fraud, which prosecutors say may have totaled nearly $65 billion, turned a revered money man into an overnight global disgrace whose name became synonymous with the current economic meltdown.
Madoff described his crimes after he entered a guilty plea to all 11 counts he was charged with, including fraud, perjury, theft from an employee benefit plan, and two counts of international money laundering.
He told the judge that he believed the fraud would be short-term and that he could extricate himself. He implicated no one else, though investigators suspect involvement by relatives and top lieutenants who helped run his operation from its midtown Manhattan headquarters.
The plea came three months after the FBI claimed Madoff admitted to his sons that his once-revered investment fund was all a big lie — a Ponzi scheme that was in the billions of dollars. Since his arrest in December, the scandal has turned the former Nasdaq chairman into a pariah who has worn a bulletproof vest to court.
The scheme evaporated life fortunes, wiped out charities and apparently pushed at least two investors to commit suicide. Victims big and small were swindled by Madoff, from elderly Florida retirees to actors Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick and Nobel Peace Prize winner Elie Wiesel.
Helicopters circled above the courthouse before the hearing, and federal officers with machine gun-style weapons stood outside as Madoff arrived.
Jilted investors signed in before entering the courtroom on the 24th floor. Richard and Cynthia Friedman turned up to get a glimpse of the man who defrauded them of their life savings of $3 million.
Richard Friedman, an accountant, noticed how well his clients were doing with Madoff and began investing his own money in 1991. He learned it was gone months before he had planned to retire — a plan now on hold.
"I wanted him to see some of the faces of the people he lied to and destroyed," said Cynthia Friedman, 59, of Jericho, N.Y.
After arguments began on whether Madoff should remain free on bail, his lawyer Ira Sorkin described the bail conditions and how Madoff had, "at his wife's own expense," paid for private security at his penthouse.
Loud laughter then erupted among some of the more than 100 spectators crammed into the large courtroom on the 24th floor of the federal courthouse in lower Manhattan. The judge warned the spectators to remain silent.
George Nierenberg, the first of the three investors to speak, approached the podium glaring at Madoff, then said in the financier's direction: "I don't know if you had a chance to turn around and look at the victims."
At the hint of a confrontation, a marshal sitting behind Madoff stood up, and the judge directed Nierenberg to speak directly to the bench.
The courtroom erupted in applause after the judge announced Madoff would go directly to jail. As he was led out of court, a spectator yelled, "Hey, Bernie," but was shushed by investors in court and backed off.
The plea does not end the Madoff saga: Investigators are still undertaking the daunting task of unraveling how he pulled off the fraud for decades without being caught.
Court papers say Madoff generated or had employees generate "tens of thousands of account statements and other documents through the U.S. Postal Service, operating a massive Ponzi scheme," prosecutors said.
The money was never invested, but was used by Madoff, his business and others, prosecutors said.
Authorities said he confessed to his family that he had carried out a $50 billion fraud. In court documents filed Tuesday, prosecutors raised the size of the fraud to $64.8 billion.
Experts say the actual loss was more likely much less and that higher numbers reflect false profits he promised investors. So far, authorities have located about $1 billion for jilted investors.
In addition to prison time, he said Madoff faces mandatory restitution to victims, forfeiture of ill-gotten gains and criminal fines.
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Associated Press writers Jennifer Peltz and David B. Caruso contributed to this report.